Aging inspires wit and wisdom

12/27/05

Healthspan: Dr. Michael O.L. Seabaugh

There are some things in your life where you either have to laugh about them or cry.

Aging can be like that.

Since it is something we can't avoid -- and the alternative is never good -- I prefer to find a way to laugh about it. Or at least gain some wisdom about its inevitabilities.

Readers of this column have helped me with this. I have received many e-mails from you over the past two years sharing your wit and wisdom -- either found or original -- about this unavoidable thing called aging. They are all little encouragements, beautifully observed, that help us keep it going on.

In this end-of-the-year column, I would like to share some of them with you.

Will Rogers, known for his wise and witty observations of the human condition, had plenty to say about growing older. To wit: "The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra."

Many of the good words on aging sent my way arrived without attribution. Here are some I particularly liked. Perhaps you can use them as fodder for a trivia game ("Who Said That?") at your New Year's Eve party.

"Do not resist growing old. Many are denied the privilege!"

"It is never too late to be who you might have been."

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

"Life is like a roll of toilet paper -- it goes faster toward the end."

"Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young."

"If wrinkles must be written upon our brows, let them not be written upon the heart. The spirit should not grow old."

And for those of us who stress about our spotty memories, take heart in this one: "Happiness is good health and a bad memory."

(Was that one Ingrid Bergman?)

Santa Barbaran Noah benShea, best-selling author and philosopher, shared with me a quote from his book, "Jacob the Baker," that should become an honored mantra in all of our lives: "What grows, never grows old."

And from the other side of the spectrum, we have one of my favorite new correspondents, Boyd, the crusty sage of Webster Groves, Mo., who provided this observation: "There is nothing funny about aging, and the S.O.B. that coined the term 'Golden Years' should be executed or made to hang out with me!"

George Carlin has a routine on aging that several of my correspondents have passed along to me. Perhaps you've heard it before, but it always bears repeating. I particularly like it because it addresses my biggest beef with aging: how our whole perspective about time changes as we get older.

Here goes: "Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

" 'How old are you?' 'I'm 4 and a half!' You're never 36 and a half. You're 4 and a half, going on 5! That's the key.

"You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

" 'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life ... you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. You become 21! Yes!!!

"But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He turned; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

"You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

"But wait! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would.

"So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

"You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I was JUST 92.'

"Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!' "

And as a final note, I will share with you my favorite bit of found wisdom concerning aging. It comes from that role model of elder vibrancy, Ben Franklin, who once said: "Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young."

May you all have a healthy new year, filled with the kind of love that will help you make it to a robust 100 and a half!

Dr. Michael O.L. Seabaugh is a licensed clinical psychologist with a psychotherapy practice in Santa Barbara. He welcomes your comments at healthspan@earthlink.net. Healthspan appears every Tuesday in Prime Time.